muhasabah #3

The love of Allah SWT is a light that,

if you are without it,

you are in an ocean of darkness. (Ibn Qayyim)

Red Phantom Corps : The Winning,Training and Stuff. Part 1.

Yup. Ini entri psl brassband. purely 100% about what i feel. klu rse menympah, x suka dan segala, tutup tab ni,senang kan?hehehe..ok, lets get started.

Cmne nk start eh?ok, first...ckp psl training la. training agak 'terbaeekkkkk' ala2 hell gitu. ok, scientifically we called it as 'training hell'. mksud training hell tuh, do it perfectly : if you make a single mistake, you have to start the whole thing again and again and again..*2PM Again and Again song cue*...hell kan??and memang hell la bg aku sebab yg selalu wat salah tu sume tak lain tak bukan ialah aku,ok?*tuding jari kat diri sendiri*..ok, aku pon tak tahu pehal la aku bengap sgt. memang muke aku muke emotionless, blur sbb da rmai da wat kuar statement tuh even my bestfriend pon ckp muke aku xde perasaan tapi tuh kat luar. dalam hati aku, aku rase bersalah yg amat sngat.rase cm nak tembak diri sendiri. malu and marah sangat ngn kebodohan diri sendiri. i tried my best..but still..*sigh~~~...ade la player lain tnye aku "zuzu, ok tak?aku angguk je kepale sbb aku takot klu aku jwb gne mulut, aku akn teresak2...sbb time tgh wat formation tuh aku mengalir air mate...and maybe ade je player lain yg bengang ngn aku. ye, aku tau..huhuuuhu..honestly, aku tak boleh buat something under pressure. same cam blaja. klau aku blaja time aku tension sumpah aku rase cm kne hempap ngn batu sebesar dinosaur lalu memutuskan berjuta-juta lemon hubungan neuron2 dlm otak aku neh dan menyekat otak aku drpd berfikir dgn teratur..ok, back to the topic. ade satu ketika aku rase tension tuh (mlm before bertolak g perak,time waktu maghrib), aku menangis sorang2. g training mate bengkak2 smpai DM pon tegur aku saket mate ke..huhuhu..aku just sengih je mcm kerang busuk..huhuhu..mlm tuh jugak la kne marah kaw2 ngn abg hafiz. down memang down.tok sah nk cakap ar. kne point kot. nk marah pon x gne gak sbb aku tau tu mmg salah aku. balek bilik aku senyap je. trus kemas barang sbb esok pagi tuh da kne bertolak g perak. smbil2  tu aku wat self reflection. up-kan diri sendiri yg tgh down.

ok, the journey to uitm perak took about 12 hours. saket blkg jgn ckp ar. sejuk air-cond lg. mse kat kemaman kot bas berhenti.lame jugak.pastu bru tau yg abg hafiz nk ikot kitorg sekali. terkejut jugak ye bile dpt tau abg hafiz sanggup x pegi konvo semate2 nk ikot kitorg g perak. gila kn????Nadia ckp patot la dyer rse mcm xnk salam je ngn abg hafiz pagi tuh..hahahhaa..mse dlm bas tuh sempat la jugak igt2 formation smbil gerak2 jari smpai la tertido. bile terjaga, ulang lgi smpai la tertido balek. dan ulang dan ulang dan ulang lagi dan lagi dan lagi..........hehehe..smpai perak tros tido esok bgn pegi training. warm-up mcm biase. angkat2 cymbal saket wohhhhhhh...rase cm melimpah ruah je lactic acid yang kuar dr muscle lengan aku dowh..push up best!heheheh..aku suke!star jump??sumpah,aku kurang gemar..-__-..abis pg training tuh, kuar pegi brunch kat restoran selera utara. tempat dyer cantik..!!!sawah padi!!!lawa!!!!hijau je..chantekk!!ok,aku hyper ..yelah,kat tempat aku mne ade sawah bendang luas terbentang mcm tuh..laut biru pantai memanjang ade lah..hehehe.. and then Tuan Jamil bwk g jln2 kt Lumut,..part neh xleh blah..pegi sane pakai track suit, kasut sukan, baju berpeluh bau ketiak masam..mesti tourist2 tuh tgk pelik semacam..hahahha..beli keychain and nk beli beg satu. berkenan sgt tapi mak cik tuh berkeras xnk turunkan harge..haishh..so,tak beli..huhuhuhu..ptg tu balek smbung training lagi.and for the first time abg hafiz ckp "zuzu,good!"...ok, aku rse motivated.pastuh aku lebih bersemangat nk training!!!even tak perfect tapi improve dari training mse kat dungun tuh..huhuhuhu..the spirit of red phantom is back!!!^__^

to be continued..~~

makan2,ilang stress and zuzu,sila bersyukur!

syok pulaks dgr lagu G6 neh,,,sampai lupe mende pe nk tulis..hahaha..=p

ok,da igt balek..hehehe..ok,last night me and my beloved crazy lunatic housemates went out for dinner since there's nothing in the fridge..kekekke..ok,i lied..there's a lot but we were quite lazy to do cooking stuffs that night..plus, we were fucking tension about the final exam that just a blink away..huh?a blink away?ahh..lantak..so,we can release that disturbing stress at the same time,right?my friend, kak aina drove that little cute rented viva..hahahhaha...rented ok,rented.!
hahhaha...we spent about 20++ minutes looking for restaurant..hahaha..Aya said we must find restaurant that got a lot of people b'coz it will indicate that restaurant offer scrumptious meals..hahaha..i don't know that theory is true!so, we dropped by at Ammar Tomyam..i ordered Nasi Goreng Songkhla and Laici Susu!omg!they are damn fdtwcvfwectfc delicious!i ate a lot till i can't get up from the seat..*exaggerating.*,,hahhaha..
so, after that i told Kak Aina that i wanted go to the beach and all my housemates agreed..as usual, Kak Aida brought her camera and we posed a lot..hahahhaha...we do love taking pictures..!and we crazily SCREAMED loud to let go our stress and 'clean' our mind..huhuhu..at least, it lessen our stress and i felt slightly relief..^^
ok,da tg syok bergambar tu kan..tibe2 dtg la mamat 2 org neh..dorang pob bergambar jugak..hahha,,xleh blah..since we wanted to take a group picture, Kak Aina asked those 2 guys to take the pic for us..omg!one of the guy is jhcbuwgt67fdtvwgceydvxwex  CUTE!!!!he looks so damn fine..ahh..i couldn't stop my eyes looking at him..seriously..cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~~..and he talked a lot with Kak Aina in kelantanese dialect..,maybe he's from kelantanese or maybe from Besut or Setiu..nevermind, as long as he's cute..*gedix*
hahahaha...so,mse dlm keta otw nk balek umah..pastu aku ckp kat dorang "weh,,cute ar budak tadi,..." and Kak Aina ckp "laaa...nape zuzu x ckp awal2???kalu tu kak aina dah tolong ejas td..hishh..tadi dyer offer kot nk kenal..." and i was like "Malulah....Kak Aina..hahahhahahha"..pastu Kak Aida tambah " zuzu,da melepas peluang..haishh..malu sgt..huhuhu"...and and we burst into laughter ..HAHAHHAHA...
ok,STOP THERE!..THET KEY WORD IS SHY or IN MALAY IS 'MALU'...seriously,i'm shy when it comes about guy the that i like,love,adore,admire and whatsoever.. i'm afraid to start it first..and my friends said the reason why i can't get my a boyfie b'coz i don't tell them (byk kot guy yg aku suke spnjang 19 thun aku idop) that i love them..that's the problem..haishh..i don't know how to solve it..
but in other hand, i should be grateful for being single...you guys know that i mean right?at least i don't have to drag my self with 'zina',touching2, don't need to take care other feelings and i can focus on my studies.. it shouldn't be a burden for me for not having a bf,right?but....i feel lonely..yes, i have a happy family, a good memahami bestfriends, and a bunch of friends that cares about me..but why i'm still feel lonely?haishh...Ya Allah...forgive me, i should be thankful for you...*cries*

yes, you guys can laugh at me and call me damn stupid pathetic...T____T